Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about erotic hypnosis
by SOPHIA MELISSA CARABALLO PIÑEIRO @sophi_caraballo
There’s no denying that you’ve probably, most likely heard of hypnotism before. In scary movies, people use it to control people’s minds—hi, yes, haven’t you seen Get Out? But in reality, hypnotism can be used for lots of things like helping anxiety, relieving fears, and getting rid of bad habits.
But hypnosis helps with more than just trauma; It can also enhance the hell out of your sex life. Seriously. If you’re like me and ever wonder if you’re missing out on some bomb sex simply because you’re scared of letting go or losing control, erotic hypnosis can help you.
Let’s dive into what it means, how to do it, and whether or not it’s actually legit.
What is erotic hypnosis?
Also known as hypno sex, erotic hypnosis is a form of hypnosis that will “increase sexual desire, sexual feelings, and sexual responses,” says Tatyana Dyachenko, sex therapist for Peaches and Screams. The purpose of it: “To reach a certain sexual goal set by the client.”
This means that if you have trouble connecting with your partner during sex, reaching orgasm—or allowing yourself to reach orgasm during sex, or staying in the moment, erotic hypnosis could actually help you.
It’s can also be used to help those struggling with sexual trauma, low libido, and more. Plus, it will “increase awareness of touch, enhance a fantasy, help you open up to a new fetish, or experience a sexual feeling that can be considered a taboo,” Dyachenko says.
But this is just one form of erotic hypnosis. There’s also the kind that falls under the BDSM umbrella, where a community of people use erotic hypnosis as a fetish or a kink. This is definitely a dominant and submissive play, with one person being hypnotized and the other one doing the hypnosis.
This specific type of erotic hypnosis comes with all the rules and guidelines of BDSM, such as contracts, safe words, boundaries, and caring for the submissive. This can be done with either a professional–yes, you’ll pay them–or with a romantic or sexual partner.
This also means that your partner can learn how to hypnotize you–with your consent, of course–whether through online courses (it’s that easy) or by going to a hypnotist together. Usually, when a partner learns to hypnotize, they are the dominant one in the relationship.
Is erotic hypnosis something that can actually work?
I get it, you want to know if erotic hypnosis is actually A Thing you can trust to work. But simply put, erotic hypnosis is legit, even if it sounds like something straight out of a movie.
Basically, if you believe that normal hypnosis works and can be used to help someone remember a memory they’ve locked away or help them overcome a trauma, you can believe it can be used to achieve a better orgasm too.
In the same way you might seek a professional mental health expert to work through anxiety, depression, and/or other mental illnesses, if you’ve found an expert who you feel comfortable with in the hypnosis world, then you can absolutely see results.
How does erotic hypnosis work?
First, hypnosis is nothing like you see in the movies. (No, you will not become a mindless zombie that someone can do away with.) Dyachenko explains that erotic hypnosis, much like normal hypnosis, consists of a therapist guiding you into a state of complete relaxation as you learn how to do proper breath work. The expert will then softly start talking to you in a way that will melt all your worries away.
Once you are in that state of relaxation, your inhibitions—aka your self-awareness, which is what causes us to be shy and guarded—are lowered. Because your guard is now down, you may enjoy and experience things that you always prevented yourself from doing, (whether intentional or unintentionally) because you felt ashamed or embarrassed under normal consciousness.
Technically, the expert doing the hypnotizing will talk you through a scenario, which you will accept wholeheartedly. For example, once you have agreed on safe words and boundaries, an erotic hypnotist who will work on increasing your libido or helping you reach an orgasm, might put you in a trance where you’ll feel more aroused. (But the erotic hypnotist will not touch you at all.)
On the other hand, if you’re looking for more kink play with a professional erotic hypnotist, they might make you think you’re someone whose goal in life is to have as much sex as possible. You might initiate some dirty talk that you never could bring yourself to do before.
If it’s your partner or a BDSM partner and you’ve agreed that you can have sex while in your trance, you might experience some pretty amazing sex during the hypnosis. However, whoever does your hypnosis will always be careful surrounding any sexual traumas you may have.
But if you’re using erotic hypnosis to overcome previous sexual trauma, things will be a little different. When being hypnotized, the professional might take you back to the moments leading up to that trauma or they might make you revisit the moment.
However, when you’re under a trance, the hypnotist might provide a physical sense of comfort and security as you revisit the memory. If this was a memory that you repressed but suspect happened, a trance can help you unlock the darkest moments of your past. Once revisited, you and the expert will work through the issues in real time and you’ll be able to learn different coping mechanisms.
How do you get started with erotic hypnotism?
First off, take the time to think about what your sexual goals are and why you want to try erotic hypnotism in the first place. If you want to explore sexual desires, a sexual hypnotist is what you should look for, but if you want to seek help overcoming sexual dysfunction or sexual trauma, a non-sexual, normal hypnotist can help.
Luke Chao, a hypnotist and instructor at The Morpheus Clinic for Hypnosis in Toronto, adds that you should find a hypnotist you absolutely trust. You need to feel comfortable in their hands and trust that they won’t take advantage of you in your open-minded state.
You can check out Thervo, a website that matches you with a hypnotist depending on your location and what you want to work on or Psychology Today, which offers a list of hypnotists in your area.
You could find an expert by Googling, word of mouth, or asking around in kink groups. Chao specifically recommends the subreddit called /r/HypnoHookup, which is a very active community of people seeking subjects or hypnotists. (Though, of course, always verify someone’s credentials from Reddit.)
At the beginning, you may have trouble finding someone since the erotic hypnosis community is not very openly publicized, but Dyachenko explains that, just like with any other expert, you should make sure they have the right credentials like references, previous clients, and a decent website.
“When you meet them, if you feel in any way uncomfortable with them, find someone else,” she adds. And remember, if someone’s an actual professional, they will have no issues answering as many questions as you have—so ask them.
Lastly, you should discuss what you want to achieve in your sessions with your hypnotist. You should set clear boundaries by talking about what you would feel comfortable exploring and what’s a hard no. Most erotic hypnotists that work with trauma and sexual gratification will not touch you, but that can be part of your contract. If you don’t want to explore a past sexual trauma or sex act that you don’t enjoy, then they will steer clear of that too.
What should you keep in mind when you first start doing erotic hypnosis?
Chao explains that consent and boundaries are a must when exploring erotic hypnosis and should be discussed before diving into any sessions.
“There’s a false idea that consent to hypnotize is also consent to anything that might happen during hypnosis, and this is categorically wrong and should not be tolerated as normal,” he says. “You should discuss preferences, soft limits and hard limits in advance, with just as much seriousness as if your partner is about to tie you up and blindfold you.”
To give you an idea of some examples, if you’re working with an erotic hypnotist to increase your libido or help you reach an orgasm when you’re with a partner, then a boundary you might have is that they don’t touch you or they aren’t allowed to train you to orgasm with one simple touch.
If you and your partner are working with an erotic hypnotist and they are teaching your dominant partner how to hypnotize you, a boundary might be that you and your partner will not have sexual intercourse in their office or in front of them.
Another boundary you could establish is never being naked in front of your hypnotist.
Additionally, Chao says that although it might be the ultimate goal to fully trust your hypnotist, you should not let them do whatever they like with you from the get-go. Take time to build trust and you’ll reap the benefits.
Is there anything similar you could do if you’re not sold on hypnotism?
Letting someone hypnotize you, whether that’s an expert or a partner, is a different level of trust and there’s really nothing like it out there. If you’re not sold on hypnosis, Chao says to simply not do it until or if you feel ready.
“Just like with all forms of bedroom play, it’s supposed to be fun,” he says. “But if you reach a point where you think you might enjoy it with a particular partner, you might find it to be relaxing and liberating.”
You can also unpack past sexual trauma or work out any libido issues with a sex therapist. If you’re going on your own for sexual trauma, then they might help you unpack the situation in a safe space and give you coping mechanisms that can help you overcome or lighten the issue. If you’re going to a sex therapist with your partner because suddenly, the sex isn’t what it was before, then they might help you evaluate the relationship and your routines to see what’s causing the issue.
originally posted in Cosmopolitan @Cosmopolitan